In calling you O Lord, I have never been deprived

Assalamu alaikum !

Growing up in Middle-East and then moving to Pakistan in my teens, gave me exposure to predominantly Islamic societies. Somehow, our residence was always nearby a mosque so I grew up listening to Adhan five times a day. A true blessing, I must say.

I do not declare myself as a perfect perfect Muslim. But, I am on a journey and I hope to better myself until my last breath. It is true that if you take a step towards Allah, Allah takes ten steps towards you. If you call upon Him, He responds. 

There were times when I would wonder if Allah is actually listening to my duas (supplication) or not. I would feel I am just wasting time asking for things I so badly wanted to have in this life. I would cry rivers and plead in my prayers. I felt at times He heard me and granted me my wish and at times I felt I am being ignored by Him despite my apparently utmost efforts. Why is it so that we feel this way. There are people talking about how there is something 'better' that Allah wants for you, hence, your dua has not been granted. There must be some disaster that He made you avoid by His immense mercy. It never made sense to me, though it did give me some peace of mind that something better is probably coming up. 

My main issue was not in how my dua was not answered. The constant feeling inside of not being able to imagine Allah being there and listening to me, made me half sure of how my life was proceeding. I would try and imagine amazing landscapes and how vast Allah's blessings are while I prayed namaz. I used to try and somehow 'feel' Allah's presence, but it never worked. Looking back, I now understand the problem. The problem was in my 'connection' with Allah. 

Connecting to Allah

By Allah's mercy, I got to know that He is always listening -Always! He is aware of each and every leaf that falls on this earth. He is aware of which ant gets provision (rizq) from exactly which location. He knows what I see, hear and imagine in my head. What I fear, what my apprehensions are and what will trigger a specific reaction from me, He knows and He is there. How come did I reach this level of connection with Allah? It was nothing on my part to be honest -it is His immense mercy. I did not deserve this considering the amount of sins I have piled up against myself. But, one thing is for sure, if you make an effort in His way, you will witness His presence. 

How?

The key to not give up. 

If your Lord does not give up on you and punish you immediately for all your sins, why should you give up on Him and His mercy? You sin in the day and He still provides you food at night. You sin in the darkness of night and He still wakes you up the following morning and gives you provision. What excuse do we have for giving up on Him and losing hope in His mercy. 

Keep going...

Keep going where? Towards Allah. 

To start with, do Dhikr. Keep reciting His beautiful names, keep doing tasbeeh -all day long. Whatever you may be doing you always take time off to catch some breath, clear your mind and entertain yourself. Try doing tasbeeh in those times. It feels like 'work' in the beginning. But, as you attain closeness to Allah, you will feel it is the only respite you have amidst the chaos of this world. 

Every single day...

Keep doing the same count of tasbeeh every single day. Do not miss it. If you miss it, cover up for it. One thing I learnt by experience is that Allah loves continuity. He loves it when you show persistence, tenacity and do an act in His way -everyday. 

Up your game...

All I mean by this is to not settle for less. Once you become comfortable with 33 times (each) tasbeeh of SubhanAllah, Alhamdulilah, Allahu Akbar, Astaghfirullah - try and increase the count and keep doing it everyday. It is a good idea to do so in small increments. This will keep you motivated and there would still be some challenge involved considering how busy our lives are. But, guess what, that is all that matters. The effort you put in.

Strive - Pursue...

We are the people of Pursuit. We pursue our dreams of becoming the best we can. We give in our best to every task that we do. And this effort is what matters to Allah the most. To Allah, our efforts count. How do we push our own borders and strive to gain His closeness is what makes Him happy. And, we can achieve that by not giving up, by increasing our efforts and by giving our best. Allah is all-Hearing, all-Knowing. 

And to begin our journey, let me state last part of an ayah from Surah Maryam (Ayah 4) 

In calling you O Lord, I have never been deprived

The above means that I have not been denied any prayers by you, O my Lord. I have found this to be so true in my journey. And Insha'Allah you will too. Try and remember this ayah and recite it as often as you can. Even if it is once daily. Just make sure you read / recite it every single day. 

I will keep posting duas and verses from the Quran Insha'Allah in this blog. I hope we all gain some knowledge and better ourselves in the process. 

Fi Amaan Allah